NHL Notebook: NHL Misery Rankings

2003-04 NHL Misery Rankings

1. Washington Capitals
   It was all sunshine and lollypops when the AOL golden boy, Ted Leonsis, became majority owner of the Caps in 1999. He gave out his email address, patrolled the aisles to chat up fans, financed the Jaromir Jagr deal, invited Robert Lang to join the party. Leonsis was hailed as a media-savvy, customer-first kind of guy, a new breed of sports owner.

   But somehow, the Stanley Cup failed to arrive in the mail with the next quarterly report. What happened? Hockey, it turns out, is not as simple as Ted thought.

   Saddled with the Jagr deal and a handful of other generous contracts, facing rows of seats abandoned by fans weary of indifferent hockey, the big spender is bailing. Anyone earning more than minimum wage is available. Last week, the Capitals traded their popular team captain (Steve Konowalchuk) for a similar-and-cheaper-but-not-as-good guy (Bates Battaglia) and a prospect who is always injured. Jagr is ineffective. Goaltender Olaf Kolzig cannot work miracles. They haven’t won in seven games.

2. Edmonton Oilers
   According to the folks at Hockey Night in Canada, Oilers’ GM Kevin Lowe took Georges Laraques aside for a little chat before Saturday’s game against Calgary. Coincidence or not, Laraque dropped the gloves two seconds after the opening faceoff. Three more fights followed in the first period, and early in the second the Oilers took a 2-1 lead.

   Then it all fell apart and Calgary won 4-2.

   Edmonton can play better, and will. But the deals made at last year’s trade deadline are looking less like a remodelling of the team, and more like a gutting. Team defense is awful and the forwards acquired on deadline day - Raffi Torres, Brad Isbister, Radek Dvorak – have one goal between them. How much longer can Lowe tolerate the contract standoff with his number-one center, Mike Comrie?

3. Anaheim Mighty Ducks
   After a dreadful start, the Ducks turned it around last week by beating San Jose and Philadelphia. Then they resumed their dreadful ways with a 5-2 loss to Buffalo, a game in which goaltender J.S. Giguere never did locate the puck.

   Sergei Fedorov is slowly picking up his game. But the numbers do not flatter Anaheim. Their power play and penalty killing percentages are dismal. The Ducks have scored 14 goals and allowed 25; only the Capitals have a worse differential of goals for and against.

4. New Jersey Devils
   After seven games, the Devils have already blown four leads, three of them in the third period, and have yet to win in four tries at home.

5. Minnesota Wild
   The superstar sits, the defense is a shadow of its former self and the clock has struck midnight for a pair of journeyman goaltenders.

6. Dallas Stars
   They're winning, so why all the long faces? Trade rumors, player benchings, questions about the health of goaltender Marty Turco and the painful absence of Derian Hatcher might have something to do with it.

Stumping For Bert

The protracted contract talks between Todd Bertuzzi and the Vancouver Canucks (which finally resulted in a four-year deal) supplied further evidence of the incongruities and contradictions at work in the sports media.

Most hockey columnists seem to agree that the NHL is a financial mess, on the verge of a death spiral courtesy of spendthrift teams and/or greedy players. When the subject is the upcoming expiry of the league’s collective bargaining agreement, a typical column in the mainstream media might read something like…

NHL owners have exposed themselves as nitwits and wastrels by handing out fat, multi-year contracts to lackadaisical, mercenary jocks. Absolutely ridiculous! Utterly obscene! Where is the prudence, the common sense, the sanity? Why, if we managed our household budgets the way these guys manage hockey teams… etc.

But the righteous fury evaporates when the future of a local hero is at stake. Suddenly, the common sense zealot is calling on management to open the vault:

If anyone is worth $25-million, it’s this guy. Get this deal done. Anything less is a kick in the stones to every loyal fan who lays down his credit card and his heart for this team. It’s decision time. Will this team continue down the same old mediocre road? Or are they prepared to step up and make the investment this city deserves… etc.

I guess it all depends on your perspective. Or your tolerance for hypocrisy.

So Jaromir, Enjoying The Season?

“I thought I did (play well) early in the season. Then all of a sudden, I started playing 15 minutes. It started in Montreal. For what reason? I heard I have to earn ice time. I thought I earned it. I haven't talked to Bruce. He's in a higher place than me. I don't have a right to go to the coach and say, 'Can I talk to you?' He should go to the players and ask, but maybe he doesn't need us to know. Maybe he knows everything."
- Jaromir Jagr to the Washington Times, after Saturday's 4-1 loss in Toronto.