Whack! Jab! Thump! Another Weekend of "Slap Shot" Hockey

Did anyone really think the soul-searching that followed the Todd Bertuzzi scandal would result in a safer, more empathetic NHL? The last 48 hours provides ample evidence otherwise. The weekend scorecard included a chop to the face in Toronto, a stab to the groin in Pittsburgh, and a brawl in Calgary that would make a European soccer hooligan proud. It all results in a long line at the principal's office, where fines and suspensions are still being sorted out.

Even more impressive than the string of assaults is the lengths to which players and coaches will go to defend the indefensible and dodge culpability.

In Calgary, the Flames have been hit with a $50,000 fine, along with suspensions for coach Darryl Sutter (two games) and forward/goon Krzysztof Oliwa (three games). On Saturday night, with 2.5 seconds remaining in a 3-1 loss to the Nashville Predators, Sutter sent Oliwa out for his first shift of the period. To nobody's surprise, the game erupted. Everyone - goalies included - picked a fight.

Sutter is suspended for "player selection and team conduct," while Oliwa gets three games for tossing around a linesman.

Naturally, today's Calgary Herald finds the Flames claiming the moral high ground. They are the bewildered innocents, victimized by Nashville evildoers and misunderstood by the authorities.

"There was nobody sent out . . . it was just to make sure that nothing did happen," says Sutter.

"We certainly disagree with the view of what took place," adds team president Ken King, characterizing his coach as a hockey pacifist. "Darryl Sutter's reputation and his history are such that it's completely inconsistent that the suggested activity took place."

Center Craig Conroy claims Oliwa was suck-punched. "He's got a quick fuse and it went off," says Conroy, adding that "the fans were getting Oliwa a little excited by chanting his name."

Also on Saturday night, Wade Belak of the Toronto Maple Leafs left fans gasping with a Paul Bunyon-esque swing to the head of Ossi Vaananen, a Colorado defenseman. Vaananen took the blow squarely in the visor, which saved him from a broken nose or worse. Belak received a match penalty for attempt to injure, and awaits further discipline.

While no one on the Leafs is so foolish as to defend Belak's action, coach Pat Quinn prefers to obfuscate the issue by whining about the officiating and the numerous penalty calls against his team.

"We deserved some of them, but if you want to sit down and review them all, I'll go through them all," he says, sticking up for his boys in today's Toronto Globe and Mail. "We'll take them if they're supposed to be penalties, but the standard has got to be the same. As soon as it was 3-0 [against the Avalanche], they started to send their goofballs out [to fight]."

Finally, in New York, a stick to the stones punctuates what might be the final days of Mark Messier's career. In the second period of Sunday's game against Pittsburgh, Messier used his blade to probe the nether regions of Penguins' defenseman Martin Strbak. Strbak had previously hit Messier with a crosscheck to the back.

"That's an old, wily veteran taking a young guy to task," is how Rangers' interim coach Tom Renney interpets the matter. "That's the way it is. It's unfortunate because we had to shorten down to three centers."

The wily veteran was thrown out of the game for spearing, while the young guy double-checked the integrity of his jockstrap and its contents.

There are six games left in the Rangers season. Messier, widely expected to retire this summer, will surely sit out at least a couple of them.

Update: The NHL has handed a two-game suspension to Mark Messier and an eight-game suspension to Wade Belak.